Blessed

The other night I was up late feeding Tristan and I had him sitting in a different position in my lap than I usually do. We have to hold him upright for some time after he eats to try to minimize his reflux. As I was rocking him, I noticed how big his head is!! I know it sounds funny, but looking at him everyday, it hits me at certain times doing certain things, how big he is getting! I got on the scale and weighed myself then added him on with me, and he was aprox 8 pounds! Whoopee!

Back to the middle of the night rocking... I lost my train of thought :) ... I was rocking him thinking about when he was in the hospital. I am not sure if many of you know this, but Tristan was in the NICU right after he was born (on a Wed) and was moved to the PCN (basically a step down unit) the next Friday, only 2 days later. While he was in the NICU, he was next to a baby who was maybe a pound and whose little head was probably the size of a plumb. Tristan was born exactly 8 weeks early (if everything was calculated correctly) and he was only in the hospital 23 days. Those days seemed like they went on forever, but fast at the same time! The tiny little baby that was next to him, Im sure is still in the hospital. When he was moved to the PCN, we were able to make "friends" with the other parents there. Through talking with them we found out that many of those babies would only stay a few days, but some babies were there for 6 + weeks. One little baby on the other side of the PCN, screamed ALL the time. When we inquired this constant crying/SCREAMING, they told us that is what happens when a baby is born on heroine....

I realize that I am rambling on... on to my point...
Ryan and I had nothing to do with Tristan's DNA. It didnt matter what we ate while we were waiting for him. Neither one of us drink alcohol, nor do we do drugs, but we could have and it would not have changed how Tristan was born. We had absolutely NO control over any of this entire situation! When we really look at Tristan and think about how he entered this life, it is a miracle that only God could have created. When we think even farther to how he came into OUR lives, we realize that he is even a bigger miracle!

Last year at this time we were adding on to our house to update our homestudy to be sent to Russia. If everything would have gone by OUR plan, we would most like be in Siberia, Russia right now! It would have cost us around $50,000 and we would have had to make 2 trips. The first trip would be about 10 days and the second trip would have been around a month. When our social worker called to tell us that we were not going to be able to go to Russia, I really truly felt crushed. Here we were, trying to adopt an abandoned child from an orphanage, and we couldnt??!! How could that be! We explored other options, including domestic adoption through the same agency, Bethany Christian Services. This option seemed great! We could adopt basically the "ideal child" in most peoples eyes. We would get the race, heath conditions, anything that we put stipulations on, that we agreed to. This option would cost around $30,000. This, however, would mean waiting... more waiting... and more importantly, it did not feel right. We felt this strong desire to adopt someone who didnt have people lined up waiting for them. We wanted to adopt someone who really needed US.

This lead us to Social Services... We were told, DO NOT EXPECT A HEALTHY WHITE INFANT. We understood they would not be in custody of social services if they were the above definition. We were expecting an older child, maybe 2-5 years old. We were expecing a neglected child. We were expecting maybe a drug baby. We were expecting many many things. We got several calls that we tried to act on that included alot of these examples... not one of them worked out.

Then we got OUR call. The call that said there was a couple who was expecting a baby and wanted to give there child up for adoption. They had done everything to provide for this child. The birth mother stopped smoking, she didnt drink, and she went to every doctors appointment. This couple loved their child so much that they wanted to give him to a loving home where he could have the life they couldnt give him. Social Services chose us.

People say that we are so lucky. In this instance, I really do not belive in "luck." I believe that Ryan and I have been chosen by God to be the parents of this specail gift. Social Services "picked us" because God had a plan all along to "pick us." If we had gone to Russia, or taken in all the other children that we got calls on, we woulnt have gotten Tristan. There are so MANY factors that lead up to Tristan entering into our lives. I just thank God that he has entrusted Tristan to us. I think about all of the other babies in the hospital who may still be there,who are unhealthy or whatever their case may be and I realize that we could have ended up with ANYTHING!! But no.... we ended up with the one thing we were told we would never have. The one child that God created just for us. We have a healthy baby boy who we love dearly. I will always thank God for this gift and I will pray for his birth parents for the rest of my life. They are the strongest people I have ever met.

I never intended to write an essay!!!!! I just still think so much about our little blessing. I think so much about how WE got him!

GOD IS GOOD...

I hope yall have a blessed day and I will try to go easy on the typing and rambling next time!!!